Disagree in a Healthy Way

Can you Disagree in a Healthy Way?

Can you Disagree in a Healthy Way?

This would be the calm, assertive communication approach. Or do you just come out with it and contradict someone? This can feel like a personal attack. Alternatively, do you take a more subtly passive-aggressive approach and write about it in public? I have tried all of these and much prefer the first!

I remember once hearing a man give a talk that included something that I considered unhelpful and potentially harmful. So I wrote a post and put it on Facebook. I never mentioned that he had spoken on it. I merely stated my opinion about the well known story he had used and said something like “what you believe about it says more about you than anything else.” The man must have read it because he didn’t speak to me for a year. He would literally be within arms reach of me and not even acknowledge my existence.

Why am I telling you this? To make you think badly of the man? No, but to show how upset he was to find himself being contradicted in public. I only understood how upsetting this could be when it happened to me!

Recently another man read a short FB post of mine and commented “Get rid of this word.” I thought this was incredibly rude especially as he didn’t know me. It felt like an order and I thought about it all morning. I asked myself what would be a better way to disagree with someone. For a start, I would much prefer a private message. And secondly I would prefer less aggressive wording and a gentle, polite suggestion that I might consider improving my own wording.

And again I found myself in disagreement with a statement on a group coaching call. Rather than contradict the host in public, I sent a message in the chat, asking to speak to him after the call. I respectfully asked him what he meant, and we had a civil conversation where we both stated our opinions.

Then last night I saw a FB post that I strongly disagreed with. I sent a polite, peaceful, private message asking the post author questions about his opinion. He sent me a well reasoned reply and we wished each other a great day. No harm done.

This is actually something that I help couples with all the time. One person expresses their feelings while the other listens deeply to understand. Then they swap round. It makes for a much healthier relationship. 

If you’d like to have a call to explore how to disagree in a healthy way, you can book it here. 

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I help women and men like you to love themselves and  connect with their emotionally distant partners, so that they find their happy ever after. I am a Christian but I love working with couples from other faiths too.

I live in the Caribbean with my husband. We have 4 adult children, one dog and two cats.  

Looking forward to getting to know you and helping you to fix your marriage.


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