If you are hurting and you want to feel heard, try this.
Limit what you say to two or three sentences. Explain in very simple terms what you are feeling. Use “I” statements and emotion words. Avoid blaming your partner. Then wait for your partner’s response.
Since some people (usually men) take longer to take in emotional information, leave at least double the time you would take. Be patient! Your partner is processing the information. If you wait long enough in silence, they may even get a chance to give you a reply.
What happens so many times is that someone talks at 100 mph and overwhelms their partner with information and emotion. While the partner is still in the taking in phase, the talking resumes. So they give up even trying to answer. Over time this becomes a habit that is hard to turn around.
Those of us who are well aware of our emotions are particularly guilty of this. Because we process emotion very fast, we run out of patience immediately. Especially if we have a partner who is extremely slow at emotion processing. But the answer really is to speak in small paragraphs of two or three sentences. Once you are talking in whole pages, your partner’s eyes will glaze over and there is no chance that you will be or feel heard.
Don’t worry there is hope. We practice this skill in my online relationship coaching. If you want to try it out, I would love to offer you a powerful coaching call to help with this. It is my gift to you.
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