Are you aware of feeling lonely sometimes?
A man messaged me this morning on Messenger. And he tried ringing me. So I answered to get it over with. And because my job is to care about people. As I suspected, he was looking for a woman. I hung up and blocked him because I don’t have time for lonely old men who think they can contact me because they like my photo.
But it got me thinking. We have all been lonely at one time or another. Perhaps there were times at school when you had nobody to have lunch with. Or at a party when everyone was already drunk and you arrived sober. The things they were laughing at just weren’t funny. Almost certainly after a breakup of a relationship. Maybe even during a relationship when there was no connection. Or at work when people were being cliquey.
Regardless of the circumstances, I am sure you know what loneliness feels like. So what did you do when you felt lonely? And what would you do now if you found yourself there again?
When I was feeling lonely recently, I found that starting a part time job in the mornings helped. And going to the supermarket every day got me to a public place regularly. Then of course I got in touch with my friends and arranged some lunches out. And I made an effort to keep in touch with them.
The problem was that I would spend a whole day coaching people on Zoom. Then at the end of the day I would notice that I had actually been alone all day! Since starting coaching I had been working and studying so hard that I had neglected my own relationships. I hadn’t made time to see anyone for months.
And that is the crux of where loneliness comes from. If we invest in our relationships, by spending time with people, we don’t feel lonely any more. When we show an interest in them, they open up to us, and they start to show an interest in us as well.
It is essentially the same as what I do in coaching. I ask questions and the client feels good because someone is giving them time to talk. Except the difference is that in friendships it goes both ways.
So if you are feeling lonely, get out there and find some people you can show an interest in. Ask them questions about themselves. They will be delighted that someone wants to get to know them. And they will want to get to know you as well.
I will just add one thing. There was a lady in my church who told me she was lonely. But she was very critical so people would avoid her. So remember to be positive!
If you need any help with making and maintaining friendships, you can book a free call with me here.
