Get Your Needs Met without an Argument
If you want to feel happy in your relationship, you will have to learn to get your needs met. But don’t make the mistake of believing that your partner is responsible for meeting all your needs for you. While there are some needs that your partner can try to meet, we are ultimately all responsible for our own happiness and wellbeing.
1. Meet Your Own Needs
We can do a lot to meet our own needs and this is where self-love comes in. As an adult, you should be able to stand on your own two feet to provide food and shelter for yourself. You should also be responsible for your friendships, education and entertainment. You are also responsible for your mood, fitness and psychological health.
2. Use Clear Communication
Ask your partner for one need at a time, using clear language. You definitely do not want to confuse your partner by overwhelming them with too many requests at once. Just ask in a clear way that is easy to understand. Don’t expect them to read your mind or anticipate your needs.
3. Asking in a Calm Way
Keeping calm goes a long way to getting your needs met. When we sound highly emotional, this can feel too stressful for the person on the receiving end. If you keep calm, your partner is far more likely to listen, and therefore more likely do try and meet your needs.
4. Get Your Needs Met – But Avoid Criticism
When you state your needs, make sure you are not speaking in a way that sounds like criticism. Criticism can feel like a personal attack, which would be counterproductive. Speak with a non-judgemental tone, so that your partner pays attention.
5. Set Boundaries
It is necessary to set boundaries to show what is important to you. Some people will take liberties and push up into your personal space until they hit a boundary. If your boundaries are not set, they will keep pushing until something happens, like an emotional explosion. Boundaries keep you safe from inappropriate behaviour.
6. Get Your Needs Met – But Respect Their Opinions
While it is good to ask for your needs to be met, the other person also has the right to say no. It is ok to agree to disagree. We all have different ideas, tastes, values and priorities. And we all have different boundaries about what we are prepared to do for someone else.
7. Learn to Say No
One of the reasons we can feel used by people is that we don’t know how to say no. Learn how to say no and it will free up your time and your head space. Saying no will make you feel and appear stronger.
8. Get to Know Yourself
You can get to know yourself by spending time alone, journaling and meditating. Explore your feelings and think about your opinions. Get to know what your needs are, so that you can communicate them to others.
See also How to Fix a Damaged Relationship
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