Intimacy is a Slow Process

Intimacy is a Slow Process!

Intimacy is a Slow Process

Today I am writing about intimacy. Sometimes people are impatient for it, but it can’t be rushed!

It is something that grows in tiny steps. Just like the drip, drip of water. Slow but steady.

Intimacy can be destroyed in a moment, but it needs to be built over time.

All the little things add up to bring about intimacy. But hold on, when I say intimacy, I’m not using it as a euphemism for sex. I’m talking about connection.

So what are these little things we can do to build intimacy?

We can build intimacy on 5 different levels:

On an emotional level, it is about creating a safe space for you both to express yourselves. When your partner expresses their emotions and needs, try to listen deeply. You cultivate intimacy by reflecting back, validating and empathising with what they have said. You will also need to vulnerable with your own emotions and needs. And express them without criticism!

Intellectually, it is about showing an interest in the other person. Asking them about their past, present and future shows that you care. Doing activities together will bring you closer. This is true even if you would not have chosen those activities yourself. You can also invite them to do activities with you that you enjoy more.

You can also build intimacy on a spiritual level. This can involve reading, meditating and journaling together. If you pray, you can pray for one another separately. But the deepest intimacy comes from praying for one another together. And practising gratitude for one another with each other.

Then on a physical level, it is incredibly important to differentiate between sexual and non-sexual touch. You can develop intimacy by being affectionate with each other in a non-sexual way. Both partners need to feel safe doing this without feeling any pressure to have sex.

Lastly when it comes to creating intimacy on a sexual level, it is all about communication. Ask your partner what feels good and express your own preferences too. If you understand that the point of sex is not to receive but to give, you will build intimacy. Consider that what you are doing is called “Making Love” which we can also call “Creating Intimacy” or “Building Connection.”

Be patient! Remember Intimacy is a slow process. If you work on all 5 of these levels daily you will build a truly connected, intimate relationship.

If you want any help with building intimacy I invite you to try out a powerful coaching call. It is my gift to you. What else would you like help with?

To get free tips on improving your relationship with yourself as well as your marriage follow me on Instagram.

Lastly, please spread the love and share with someone who might benefit.


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I help women and men like you to love themselves and  connect with their emotionally distant partners, so that they find their happy ever after. I am a Christian but I love working with couples from other faiths too.

I live in the Caribbean with my husband. We have 4 adult children, one dog and two cats.  

Looking forward to getting to know you and helping you to fix your marriage.


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