Life is messy. It is certainly not your fault that you had an emotionally abusive childhood. Or that you fell victim to a narcissist’s love-bombing. Nor is it your fault that your partner does not “do” emotions.
But it is your responsibility to create something beautiful out of the mess.
Having an emotionally abusive childhood does severely affect our ability to relate with other people. We pass on patterns of communication from generation to generation. This affects our relationships with our partner and our children. It can even happen when we are determined not to parent in the same way as our parents. Somehow we find ourselves repeating phrases we heard many years ago…
When I was bringing up my 4 children, I consciously tried not to use the phrases I had heard from my mother such as “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” But I often found myself repeating both terms of endearments and expressions of frustration in French – a clear indication that they were from my grandmother who always spoke to us in French.
However we are not doomed to be exact replicas of our parents and grandparents. We have the choice to change. All it takes is to slow down and be intentional. If we need healing from trauma, we can process our emotions through meditation and prayer, journaling, and counseling. In my coaching I work through these sorts of issues with my clients in a gentle and compassionate way.
Life is Messy But Create Something Beautiful Out of the Mess
So if you have had a messy childhood, it is your opportunity turn things around. What are you going to do differently in your parenting? How are you going to protect yourself from narcissistic abuse? What are you going to create for your relationship with your partner?
Ask me about relationship coaching today and book a free call to find out how I can help.
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