Love and forgiveness are interlinked. If you love each other you will naturally forgive each other for all the little things. When you forgive these and the medium sized things your love will grow. But what about the big things like lying and cheating? How do you even begin to forgive those?
Forgiveness is a process that may take some time. Here are 7 steps to help you:
- First of all you will need to allow yourself time to feel whatever you are feeling. If you need to cry, cry. Perhaps you need to shout, so do it! Don’t try to hold these feelings in. You might find it helpful to write down how you are feeling by journaling.
- Once you have expressed your feelings to yourself, you may need to talk to a counsellor, coach or confidante. Getting someone else’s perspective can be very helpful.
- Next it is time to speak with your partner about how you feel. Try to express yourself simply and clearly. Ask them to listen and not to give their side of what happened.
- Once you feel that you have been adequately listened to and you feel heard, you may want to leave some time before continuing. It might take a while for that to sink and to process the emotions that come up for both of you.
- When you are ready, you will need to listen to your partner’s point of view. Try to understand where they are coming from without judging them. If you find you are getting too upset, you might need to take a break. You can come back to it later.
- Now it is time for you to think about forgiving your partner. You can pray, meditate or journal about the idea. Think about what small part you can forgive. Practise saying out loud that you forgive them.
- Come back to your partner, when you are ready to express some words of forgiveness to them. Let them know that it is your intention to forgive them. Make it clear that forgiveness is a process and it might take some time.
Love and Forgiveness are a part of each other
Remember that forgiving someone for something certainly does not imply that what they did was acceptable. It is necessary to forgive them for your own sake, as it will significantly affect your well being. Forgiving them is also a necessary part of love. And love is a necessary part of forgiveness.
If you forgive them it will also take a huge burden off their shoulders. As I mentioned at the start, love and forgiveness are interlinked. Your partner will more than likely be grateful for your forgiveness, and they will want to show you their love in appreciation.
When you have forgiven them, things will not suddenly become perfect. You will then need to rebuild the trust between you, so that you can move on with your relationship.
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