Look to your parents as role models.
But if they are not good role models, look for them in aunts and uncles, and your parents’ friends. You can even look among your own friends and peers. It is up to you to consciously reject your parents’ bad habits. Then look at their relationship again and emulate their good habits.
For instance my parents argued every day. So we try not to argue like they did. Especially since my husband is conflict avoidant. But on the other hand, they did have their good points. They gave us a good education as well as a Christian faith. My mother always insisted that we eat healthy food. She gave us a strong sense of family, a love of languages and the arts. My father worked hard and took us on great vacations. So those are all things we have tried to provide for our children too.
In marriage and in parenting we need to continue learning as we move through life and our children grow older. We can read books and watch videos and we will learn. But the most helpful thing is when we have role models. We watch them and we learn from their example. We know an older couple at church who we have sort of unofficially adopted since my parents died. Perhaps you know a couple with a good marriage who you can see more of too.
I would love to offer you a powerful coaching call to help with taking responsibility. It is my gift to you.
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