Are you afraid of showing the real you? The kid who never felt loved at home? The little girl who was hit by the boys at school? The teenage boy who was teased mercilessly for being a nerd with no girlfriend?
When I was younger I used to tell my life story on a first date. Since most of what I had to say was negative, this did not work out well. I was unwittingly teaching each guy to mistreat me in the same way that the previous one had done. So if you are just dating now, I would warn you to be careful about blabbing too much about your past. That said, it is always best to be your authentic self.
But if you are in a marriage or long-term committed relationship, it is another matter entirely. If you want true soul level connection, you will need to be vulnerable with each other. In a healthy relationship each partner shares with the other. However, narcissists do not share anything about themselves because all they do is suck the energy out of the other.
How to Start Showing the Real You?
Being vulnerable with each other can be scary. We tend to protect ourselves because perhaps someone shamed us for sharing our feelings in the past. But we can learn to become more vulnerable with each other in the following way:
- Prepare yourself using journaling and affirmations to boost your self esteem.
- Start sharing your feelings in a clear and simple way.
- Be aware and open about your smaller needs and build up to bigger needs.
- Encourage your partner to share their feelings and needs by asking open ended questions.
- Try to accept yourself for who you are, and your partner for who they are.
- Put yourselves in situations where your feelings are likely to show, such as watch sad movies together.
- Do challenges that are scary, such as bungee jumping, and to openly show your fear.
If you take all these steps, you will find that you are showing the real you to your partner. A deeper connection between you should develop.
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