The number 1 problem in marriage that I have seen in my relationship coaching is bad communication skills. Instead of expressing needs and emotions people tend to criticise. This leads to constant arguments on one extreme, or on the other extreme silence, because of conflict avoidance. Both of which lead to emotional distancing.
Emotional distancing leads to living separate lives, which in turn leads to affairs.
If you ignore the number 1 problem in your marriage, it will never go away. It will lead to either divorce or living together unhappily forever. It cannot sort it self out, and it will never stop causing issues if you don’t deal with it.
Couples often claim that they have all sorts of problems that are damaging the relationship. Such as the husband has a higher libido than the wife. (Many people believe that men have a stronger desire for sex than women.) Or the husband is a workaholic and the wife feels unsupported in the childcare. People even blame their relationship problems on having a controlling mother-in-law.
But the truth is, if you improve your communication skills, you will sort out all your other problems. They will soon dissolve or seem less important. If you replace criticism with healthy communication of needs and emotions you will learn to manage your other problems. The differences might still be there but they no longer lead to conflict.
You have what it takes
Learning about healthy communication is easy. There are certain skills that psychologists agree on that constitute healthy communication. However, learning the information and actually incorporating it into your relationship are two completely different things. In my coaching sessions, we practice these skills until they become second nature. I am literally amazed at the difference they make in a couple’s interactions. You have what it takes to transform your marriage. You might just need a little help.
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