Why do conflicts arise in a relationship?
Most conflicts arise because of the way the partner with the feminine energy and the masculine energy partner communicate. Not just in their own words, but in how they interpret each other’s words or actions, or lack of actions!
For ease I will use ‘woman’ and ‘man’ but it could just as easily be the other way round. Typically where there is conflict, the woman feels unappreciated and unseen while the man feels constantly criticised. No matter how modern a society you live in, this dynamic continues.
When the woman bares her soul and shares her emotions, all she wants is for her man to listen deeply and to show empathy. If he tries to fix her, this feels disrespectful to her.
When the man hears what improvements need to happen around the house or in the relationship, this feels like a personal criticism of him.
So how can we avoid these conflicts that arise so often?
Let’s say a woman talks about her childhood trauma with her man. Rather than grunting “Oh” and then carrying on reading the news online, a better response would be: “I am so sorry you experienced that. It must have been so painful for you. I’m here for you. What do you need from me to help you heal?” Then really listen to the response.
Now let’s take the example of a man who hardly ever cooks trying to prepare a meal. Rather than pointing out that he has started with the vegetable that only takes a minute to cook, and has left the carb until everything else is ready, a better response would be: “Thanks so much for cooking. I really appreciate when you make a meal for me.” Then keep quiet and resist the temptation to take over.
Empathy and praise are two of the most important things you can practise in a relationship. It might feel awkward when you first try them out, but if you keep doing them, they will become like second nature.
And if you want some help with practising empathy and praise, I invite you to try out a powerful coaching call so you can experience it for yourself. It is my gift to you.
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