Your needs matter!
If your partner does all the talking, it is very likely that they don’t feel heard. They may be very emotional and seem to have a lot of needs. The truth is they may have had a traumatic childhood, and feel the need to be in control as an adult. So their way of doing this is to keep talking. This is how they feel safe. Learn to listen well, by validating and empathising with them. Then ask if they feel heard.
Once your partner feels heard, make sure you also express your thoughts, emotions and needs as well. If you are used to constant talking from your mate, you are probably in the habit of never saying much. You probably don’t even think there is any space for you to have any needs. As a result you may have forgotten that you have any needs! Or you may not be aware of your own emotions. But, sorry to tell you, it is up to you to turn things around, and make sure that you also get heard. This will NOT happen by itself.
My mother was certainly a talker. We used to joke that she woke up talking, talked all day, and went to sleep still talking. It was overwhelming for everyone in the family. So much so, that when she had a certain cancer treatment, we rather meanly rejoiced that she was not allowed to talk for 2 weeks. My father got more and more withdrawn in her presence as he got older. This was in spite of the fact that outside the home, he was the life and soul of the party. I don’t think he ever learned to fully express his own needs.
Learn to express yourself
But you can learn to express your feelings and needs! Start by journaling and becoming aware of what they are. Love yourself and be kind to yourself. Try repeating self-loving affirmations. Listen to soothing music and breathe. Spend time doing what you enjoy. Give yourself the love your heart needs to survive.
Since we teach others how to treat us, treat yourself better. Dare to express your thoughts, your needs and your emotions. Then your partners and family members will follow your example and treat you better. They will soon learn that your needs matter too.
If this seems challenging, don’t worry there is hope. We practice this skill in my online coaching. If you want to try it out, I would love to offer you a powerful coaching call to help with this. It is my gift to you.
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Let me know in the comments what you think of this. ❤️
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